Bribes

Mordida, dash, spiffs, baksheesh, cadeaus, special fees, tea money, fines, gifts or whatever the term "bribe" is called is a regular part of travel in the Third World. In many cases, military, police and government officials will expect a gratuity to allow passage, as payment for minor infractions or to issue visas. In some cases, it may be your money or your life.

Paying Your Dues

Most travelers who are put in jail are involved in traffic- or drug-related offenses. Naturally, many countries have an unofficial method of dealing with these problems efficiently and profitably. It serves no purpose for small or poor countries to incarcerate you for lengthy periods of time. It also does not serve the purpose of policemen to spend their time filling out paperwork, when they can resolve the problem and teach you a lesson on the spot. From Minnesota to Malaysia to Mexico, I have been amazed at the solid financial education police officers have been given. (Which is better? $100 in your pocket or the policeman's pocket?) Be forewarned, there are many officers who do not accept or want bribes. The way to tell is simple. If an officer tries to resolve a problem rather than just write you up, handcuff you or arrest you, you are expected to begin the bribe process. If you feel an opening gambit has been made, then you are expected to explain to the officer your desire for a speedy amicable resolution of your problem. In most cases, the officer will shore your feelings of injustice about his having to take you all the way back to the station (always in the opposite direction you are traveling) to wait for the judge who is typically fishing or out until next week.

If he offers to take the fine back for you or to let you pay it on the spot, then bingo, the chiseling begins. Remember that bribes are a "cash-only" business and the amount you can pay will be limited to the amount of cash you have on you at that moment. Now that you have the rules of the game, please remember that offering any financial inducement to an officer, however innocently, is illegal and can put you in jail.

Delivering a Bribe

One must never discuss money or the amount or the reason for the gift. Typically, you will be presented with a "problem" that can be solved but will take time, money, or approval by a higher authority. You will naturally need to have this problem solved. You may ask if there is a fee that will expedite the solution of this problem, or if the local language fails you, you can point out your urgency and present a passport, ticket or papers with a single denomination of currency tucked inside.

Bribes might not work if you are caught by the military, make the local papers or happen to be doing something the government is busy eradicating (usually with U.S. funds) at the time. Smuggling drugs, weapons or people requires the support of a large, covertly sanctioned organization. Freelancers are usually treated roughly with little opportunity to buy their way out. Depending on how big a fish they think you are, you can expect to pay about $12,000 to get out of a South or Central American jail. It is not uncommon to have to pay $30,000-$120,000 to beat a major drug rap.

If you are kidnapped by terrorists, you might feel lucky. They will typically hit up your government of origin or your family for your ransom. Americans fetch between $100,000 to $2 million, depending on who you work for. Many times guerrillas will attach political demands or have unrealistic demands like bumping Andy Rooney on "60 Minutes" to tell their side of the story. This lowers your chances of freedom dramatically since most governments have stated policies about negotiating with terrorists, though they are fairly helpful with kidnapping cases. The catch is that your government will expect you to pay them back.

Other reasons for bribes are to bring in cars, contraband, machine parts, business samples, cash or even a wife. In many countries the police derive their sustenance from local businesses. A recent article in Newsweek estimated that in Hong Kong, brothels provide $120-$600 a month. In Bangkok, the city's 1000 "entertainment houses" pay $600,000 a month to the local police. Strangely, these types of businesses can provide favors to travelers if you find yourself in a squeeze or need help approaching the police on a sensitive issue.

The best way to check out bribes is to contact the local embassy, expats who live in the area, local journalists (not foreign journalists) and local lawyers. It should be stated that in many cases a demand for a bribe can be talked down if you are doing nothing wrong. Many junior customs officials will spot first-timers and shake them down for everything from their Playboys to their underwear. Feel free to protest, but when the man with the big hat and gold stars agrees with the peon, it's time to start rolling off the twenties.

Many people view bribery as reprehensible and evil. These are usually the ones who have to pay the bribes. Others view the practice as a normal way to supplement meager government wages (you can guess who they are). All countries including America have this affliction. Africa is the worst place for bribery, followed by South America and Central America, with northern Europe being the most incorruptible place. Nigeria has the worst reputation for dash but you can expect any minor official in most poor African nations to ask for a cadeau in exchange for providing a higher level of service. Expats detest this practice because they have to go through customs and refuse to pay it. Tourists are more easily intimidated and usually have much more to lose if they miss a flight, connection or cruise because of unnecessary delays.

Remember that small bribes are used to facilitate services that can be withheld or denied. Usually tightwads will be processed, but at the back of the line. Obnoxious tightwads who like to make loud speeches about corruption may find themselves with insurmountable visa irregularities ("The stamp in your passport must be green ink for a fifteen-day visa").

A carton of cigarettes will ensure that you are speedily processed in most African countries. A bottle of Johnny Walker will not get you far in a Muslim country but will definitely expedite your exit visa in Colombia. Border crossings into most Central American countries can be made for a one hundred dollar bill, and you can drive as fast as you want in Mexico if you have a good supply of 20 dollar bills. With such gifts, you may not need a visa entering a country and the customs official may forgo even a cursory inspection of your vehicle.

If you need to be smuggled out of a country, it is a little more complicated. First, the "coyote" will demand about twice the normal fee for your departure and there is no guarantee that he will not turn you in for a reward. Secondly, the matter of securing an exit visa without the benefit of an entry visa will cost you between $100 and $200 dollars in most Asian and Latin American countries. Eastern European and CIS countries can be crossed for as little as $5, with no guarantee that you will not be finked on 10 miles down the road.

You don't have to be a criminal to pay bribes. Criminals take great pride in their ability to extract bribes or "protection money" from honest folks. Moscow has 12 major organized crime groups who've been known to extract up to 30 percent of monthly profits from businesses. So the best way to view bribes is as you would tipping. When a country lowers its wages to its police and officials below the poverty line, they look to you to make ends meet.

In summary, using bribery is like kissing in junior high school. Both parties must be willing, but you have to be given an opening before you make your move. If you are brash or unwise, you will be severely rebuked.